SometimesI let my desperation play the situation out a bit it would always end thesame with me distancing myself from my admirer. And fear of being ownedwas not the only reason why - I still found it difficult to see myselfwith anyone except Louise.Then there were the girls who had become women with SRS who convinced methey were happy. And I believed most of them because they genuinelyseemed happier - but there were always one or two who had regretted it -and they all had lost something along the way. Thing that were incrediblyimportant to them but not as important as being a woman. It was thesepeople who made me doubt my own self-value of womanhood. Was it soimportant to feel back pain without a bra that it warranted me losing mymum and dad?The difference with the hypnosis was that underneath the Mistress tagthat Xenthia had given herself was that I would be in control. Shecouldn't do anything she didn't want to me - at least from what I hadread this was true and there was no reason. She tried letting it fall to the side, but that stretched the muscles on the side away from her head, and that hurt too. She became aware that the chair wasn’t comfortable. How in the world could Cindy sit in this thing all day long?“This isn’t working,” he said. “Is there a bed anywhere around here?”“No.” Her voice was dull. What he was doing felt so good!“Be right back,” he said.When he left, she felt alone again. She looked over to see him in her office, taking the cushions off the couch, and laying them out on the floor in a row.“Come in here,” he called.She did, and lay down on the cushions. Her shoulders hung over the edges, and her arms fell to the floor, which felt odd, but wasn’t really uncomfortable.He got down on his knees and started working on her again.Within ten minutes, she thought she might die from the pleasure of it. He seemed to know where every tight muscle was. When his hands worked on her butt, she didn’t even flinch, even though it was the first time a man had.
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